I had a few things collide in theory and reality this week. First, I was asked quite awhile ago to review a book called, Rule #1: Stop Talking! A Guide to Listening by Linda Eve Diamond (apologies it's taken so long, Linda). This is a wonderful book, full of really useful information that many of us seem to have forgotten in an age of hurry, busy, produce, get results, and 24/7 access. At a time when we have so very many increased avenues of communication, it seems we are less and less adept at communicating really well. Emails get misinterpreted, people text now instead of email, communications of that nature are short and sometimes in code, phone calling seems laborious, and getting together with someone "just to talk" seems like a huge waste of time for lots of folks. I love the title of the book, because it gets the most important point right out there--something so obvious, but humorous, no? How many times is someone talking to you, and instead of really listening, you're planning what you're going to say next? Really listening requires putting aside your agenda and being there for the other person. In order to do that, we have to stop. Stop talking, stop typing, stop moving, stop doing and just BE with the other person.
Linda's book also has really useful chapters like "Listening in the Age of Overload," "Listening to Yourself," and "Internal Head Static." When I spend time looking over what she's so thoughtfully, professionally, and clearly put together, I think about how much more wonderful the world would be if we all took time to really connect with each other by listening. I mean, really. Connection is the key. Which brings me to the second point.
I had the privilege to see Jean Illsley Clarke speak this week to a group of parents and parent educators. I learned, I laughed, I was inspired. Jean is one of the most gifted people I know, and she, at 83, is still going strong and getting her incredible material out to as many people as possible. A baby was fussing in the audience, and she deftly addressed the situation without blaming the mother in any kind of way, and completed the experience by inviting us to sing an affirmation song to the child, who then quieted down for the remainder of the time. Part of her talk was about attending--to ourselves and to our children. Similar to Rule #1, yes? Taking time to attend to what is going on in our families and in ourselves can make a world of difference and allow us to respond in a way that works for us, versus react out of stress or frustration. For more info on Jean's work, check out Time In: When Time Out Doesn't Work.
All of this also reminded me of Steven Covey's Urgency-Importance matrix, which I also spoke about this week to a group of business people and parents--remembering to take time to attend to what is IMPORTANT in our lives and not spend all of our time doing what seems URGENT can make a world of difference in life quality. So think about how much time you spend working IN your life, family, job, etc versus working ON it. Taking time to spend ON your life or any aspect of it helps you stay on track with what is most important to you. And again, it's about attending, listening to yourself, and stopping long enough to do so.
And finally, Sue Monk Kidd, in When the Heart Waits, talks about attending to our spirit and connecting with God. She says, "I wonder sometimes if we haven't banished the way of the heart in favor of the way of the mind, if we emphasize learning about God over being with God." She goes on to talk about fixing her heart on God--trying to watch, be attentive, to love and be present to God, creation, and her own aliveness. I find that beautiful and breathtaking, and it inspires me to challenge myself (and you....) to spend time this week attending--to yourself, to your spirit, to your own aliveness, and to the self, spirit, and aliveness of your spouse, partner, child, friend, or colleague. Rule # 1: BE.
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