Diligent Joy Blog

Inspiration

As we watched a repeat streaming of the pre-inaugural concert last night on our laptop, my husband and I held hands, marveling at history in the making.  Our children asked if there was anything like this for President Bush when he was elected, and to be fair, we said that truthfully, we didn't know.  If there had been, it would probably have been a different style, and in all honesty, we wouldn't have been watching.
But it was pretty darn inspiring to see James Taylor up there with John Legend, and Bono, and Bruce Springsteen, and Stevie Wonder with Usher, and Garth Brooks, Pete Seeger, and the list went on and on and on.  I made the comment that I thought I was reaching my limit of inspiration.  I just didn't know how many more historically touching moments my heart could take before it burst.  But would that be a bad thing?  I mean, after all, James T was up there singin' "shower the people you love with love..."

Friday, my youngest son passed his driving test.  He is now an officially licensed intermediate driver in our state, meaning he can drive himself and members of his immediate family, but no friends for 6 months.  At least no friends under 25, so we're good.  It occurred to me that, as our nation undergoes this momentous occasion and is banking on change being in the air, change has come to the America represented by the Johnson house.  I caught myself trying to figure out potential logistics for a swim meet later this week, when I stopped and said, "Oh, I forgot.  You can drive yourself and I can meet you there."  It's bittersweet, really.  Convenient as heck--yet a reminder of one more way in which I'm not needed anymore, however glad I am to give up some carpooling duties.

Change is like that.  Inherent in change is loss.  We have to be willing to give something up in order to create something new.  As the saying goes, the caterpillar has to want to be a butterfly enough to give up being a caterpillar.  Many times, that is really challenging.  We like our fuzzy caterpillars, no matter how many leaves of our lives they have been devouring.  They are a familiar nuisance, and we carry on, encumbered, righteous in our complaints, and solidly unchanging.  It's easier to say we wish we could change than to actually do it.

I hope Barack Obama inspires us to change--each one of us to make a small or medium or big change, or a bunch of little changes that add up to something.  Because he can't do it all--it has to be us, inspired by what we all did to elect him.  Inspired by his dream, which touches our own, WE need to be the ones to act.  We need to keep the dream alive in our children, that the world can always be a better place, and it is our responsibility to do something about it.  Don't be paralyzed by the fact that you can't eradicate all caterpillars.  Just start with one.  Take your own bags to the grocery store or stop buying water bottles or volunteer once a week in a mentoring program or buy 5 extra cans at the grocery store to donate to the food bank in your town.  Don't think you can't do anything because you can't do everything.  Just pick something, and make it your pledge for changing something for the better.  You might even be inspired.

Minor Infraction

Attorneys in Washington State have managed to create quite a stir by clarifying that it is not, in fact, illegal for teachers to have sex with 18-year-old students, because said students are no longer minors.

There are many nuances to this story.  Here are the points I think are the most important.

While it is not "illegal," it is most certainly unethical.  The danger in its not being illegal is that the process for the alleged perpetrators is much less harsh.  They are allowed to resign rather than be terminated.  Often, there is some vagueness in employee files, which allows these folks to relocate, and unfortunately, at times, re-offend.

The age difference between the teacher and student in this case was not a few years--in fact, it was 15.  A 33-year-old man is in trouble with his profession for his actions with an 18-year-old girl.  To take a page from Rachel Maddow, Talk Me Down!  This does not meet my definition of developmentally appropriate--for either party--nor consensual, because I have a really hard time believing there wasn't a power differential happening in the relationship, which is a BIG RED FLAG, even if I can't specifically draw the line where the age difference wouldn't bother me.  Even if they could theoretically be the same age, there exists an inherent power differential between students and teachers, parents and children, adults and teens, bosses and employees.  Just because harassment can't be "proved," doesn't mean a great deal of damage isn't done.

The schools are full of teens who are vulnerable in some way, whether from lack of resources and wise adult guidance, or from overindulgence and entitlement syndromes.  Our educators must be aware of this and keep personal sexual feelings out of the workplace.  Of course, that's a given, and this guy was fired--oops, I mean, allowed to resign.  Still, the vague wording in a statute and legal wrangling over semantics is allowing a very serious issue to be made light of.  This has the potential of blaming the victim--making neophyte adults less off-limits than before to predators, even if they are not school teachers.

We need to be more open about sexuality and issues like this--to discuss them openly and often, and yes, to do so in school.  Perhaps, had there been thorough education about harassment, healthy relationships, values and choices, neither party would be in the distress they currently are.

And that's my rant today about how sexuality education can save the world.

Tips for Healthy Changes

Check out this piece on 50 Life Improving New Years Resolutions Ideas for New Moms.
There are some great tips!  Send it to all the new moms you know!  Thanks so Kelly Sonora for passing this on to me!

The Giving Game

Check this out:  The Giving Game.  I was so intrigued by this concept that I am dedicated to sharing it far and wide to see how it goes.

Here's the premise:  you register on this site, download (free) or purchase "giving cards."  You do an act of kindness or generosity for another person, give them the card, and ask them to pass it on.  You log your act and the card number on-line.  The card is registered on a website, and if everyone enters the card number as they pass it on, the card and acts can be tracked, so you can see your impact as it grows.

I think this is fabulous for many reasons.  Here are a few:

• It encourages kindness and generosity, which are character traits and associated with a greater sense of happiness and well-being
• It's a game format, and appropriate for children (supervised), as well as adults
• It can be used individually or in groups--you can get a class, youth group, group of friends, book group, or whatever together, and have some friendly "co-opetition" as the LEAGUE calls it. (The LEAGUE is an organization dedicated to service and one of the sponsors of this game).
• As parents, many of us look for opportunities to teach our kids about service, and this is an interesting way to do it.
• Many of us already do kind things for people--how cool will it be to count them and see the ripples spread?
• The fact that it's track-able is cool--though it's also important to do the act whether or not the recipient carries on.  Heck, do more than one!  Increase your odds and impact!

I would love to hear from you if you do this.  I will be passing out some cards this weekend, so be on the lookout! 

This project ends is part of activities centering around "King Day," and ends January 21, so get your cards and get going today!

Guilty as Charged

Ann Coulter's been all over the radio the past couple of days--seems to be her forte to be loud and embroiled in controversy.  I haven't read her books--I'm sure from the excerpts I've read and the times I've heard her speak that it wouldn't be worth the drain on my peace of mind to give any more attention to her rants against liberals.

Here's an interesting point, though.  One of my favorite talk show hosts, Dave Ross, is probably the most impartial interviewer I've ever heard. Even though he admits he's got a liberal bent, he doggedly seeks out all sides of an issue.  So, when he was talking about Ms. C. and her apparent claim that liberals in our country have idolized single motherhood, which she says has in turn caused all sorts of problems, like fatherless children flooding the prisons, Mr. Ross had an interesting question.  He was willing to concede that single motherhood might not be the best situation in which to raise children.  His point was that he thought one of the interviewers ought to ask Ann's opinion on how to prevent single motherhood.   And I do have something to say about that subject, which I imagine would get me labeled "Guilty" by the woman who's made a name for herself by radical partisanship.

First of all, most of the women I know are not single mothers by choice.  I know there are women out there who do choose to be mothers on their own, creating life with donated sperm in order to have the experience, but they are not the majority.  Even so, it is their choice and right to do so, courtesy of women who have fought hard for equal rights--who, I dare say, are mostly "liberal."

Most of the women I know and know of are single parents due to one of two reasons:

1. They became pregnant unintentionally and decided to keep the baby.
2. They parted from their partner in some manner.
   

Dealing with #1, I, of course, adamantly support comprehensive sexuality education, and LOVE teaching it in church, with a Christian, sex-positive theology which does not shame youth, but educates them and helps them learn how to honor and take care of this part of their lives.  In addition, we teach about relationships, boundaries, decision-making and values, all of which I think need to be made as mandatory for graduation from high school as reading and math scores.  Certainly, having the knowledge about staying safe from pregnancy and disease, how to recognize, create and maintain healthy relationships, and how to make decisions about these crucial areas--has as much practical impact on a young person's life as their ability to name all 50 states, find the area of an isosceles triangle, or read and discuss Lord of the Flies.

While we won't guarantee an end to unwanted pregnancy by increasing mandatory comprehensive sexuality education, we certainly would see a continuation of a downward trend in pregnancy and disease from those who have been adequately and thoroughly educated.  Imagine charts, those of you in Washington State, that not only showed 4th, 7th, and 10th grade WASL score achievement in reading and math, but also showed teen pregnancy and disease rates per district. 

Regarding the second reason for single motherhood I mentioned, let's be real.  We do a lousy job in many parts of our culture of supporting people who decide to marry and/or have a child together.  Not only that, but well-meaning women too often find themselves in a relationship that ends up abusive in some way and make the choice to leave, with the children, for safety.  We aren't going to eradicate divorce or ending relationships in our society--do we really want to go back to a system where you can't leave no matter what?  In fact, I know of many women who come from unhealthy homes and repeat the pattern by leaving that home and becoming dependent on another unhealthy, but this time romantic, relationship, and end up financially and/or emotionally dependent on an abusive partner.  Should they not be encouraged to leave and start anew when they have the opportunity--even if they have a child? 

While I don't think we need to idolize single mothers, I also don't think we need to idolize two parent families just because they are two parent families.  What we need to do is support all children to have the best care they can have:  access to high quality health care, child care, and education, regardless of who their parents are.  Who knows?  They might even end up as President of the United States.

Check Out Parenting By Strengths Today....

Amy is over at Parenting By Strengths, blogging about supervision of teens and sexuality.  Check it out!

Happy New Year!

I spent New Year's Eve in the company of family and friends--a tradition that brings me joy.  New Year's Day is traditionally spent with my sister, whose birthday it is.  New Year's night, this year, however, was spent sleepless in the company of an emergency vet and his assistants. 

When my older son and I arrived at the animal hospital close to midnight last night with a puppy who was experiencing some extreme stomach discomfort (ok, he wouldn't stop puking....), the vet asked if he ever eats things he shouldn't.  Not meaning to be flip, I replied, "Often."  This puppy eats anything and everything--leaves, grass, twigs, foil, plastic, stuffing from inside dog toys, and his favorite, shoes.  A couple of weeks ago, he took my plastic gardening clogs and neatly chewed an new line on the part that goes on top of my foot.  Where it once was a smooth line, it now has a mildly decorative scalloped line courtesy of Zeke.

So, I told the vet politely that, while we work hard to keep him away from things he shouldn't eat, it was entirely possible, and even probable, that he ate something not so good for puppies.

A couple of hours and a few hundred dollars later, the vet had determined that Zeke may have eaten some undetermined substance that was causing his symptoms (sigh).  Meanwhile, the puppy had been puke-free since we'd arrived.  We came home with x-rays, a re-hydrated and pre-emptively medicated puppy, a larger Visa bill, and instructions to keep him off food and water and watch him carefully this morning as those were slowly reintroduced.  So far, so good.

My son and I bonded over the sick puppy, working a really old crossword puzzle from some June newspapers in a pile in the emergency room to pass the time while waiting for x-rays and results. I prayed, working to stay in gratitude for people who do the job of being available for sick animals in the middle of the night, rather than being frustrated with the lack of definite answers. My son and I discussed the responsibility one takes on when one adopts a puppy--or has a child--to take care of this being in your charge, even when it's inconvenient, expensive, and inconclusive.

After all, there are no guarantees in life.  Even if you are a really good person, and do all the "right" things, you have no immunity from heartache or tragedy.  We are all interwoven, and our paths cross with others in intricate and unforeseen ways all the time.  Life really is a journey, and our happiness depends on our ability to observe and enjoy the process as much as possible, and detach ourselves at least somewhat from the results.  Not always an easy task, but a worthy goal, nonetheless. 

I remain attached to the notion that my puppy will heal.  Meanwhile, I am grateful for the support of family and emergency vet staff in the process.  Happy New Year.