Diligent Joy Blog

Saturday

This morning, my son was giving me grief about a consequence I had given. He blew curfew last night--even though I did receive a text this morning that he had sent last night saying he would be late.  We had been firm about extending the curfew and his responsibility to be aware of time and be home "no later than."  Since he was home "later than," he had a choice of a weeding job or an earlier curfew for the rest of the weekend.  He chose weeding, then proceeded to give me attitude about the job I gave him.

I decided to take the (sort of) high road.  I remarked that, since he was such a responsible young man and did not have many opportunities to receive such negative consequences of his behavior as weeding (ahem), that I would give him a few tips.   #1 Ditch the attitude!  #2 The consequence was not imposed/designed with his ultimate comfort in mind.  #3 Ditch the attitude!

Grumpiness on both sides ensued, culminating in my yelling "SUNSCREEN!" to his fair-skinned self as he drove off to the beach. When we part badly, I find myself wondering, "If this were the last time I saw him, what would I want him to remember about what I said?"  "SUNSCREEN!"  does not top my list.

Nevertheless, he went his way, and we went ours--my husband and I realizing we were turning into a family where the adults could, in fact, go to the farmer's market on a Saturday, as well as run other errands without having to work them around kids' activities and other obligations. It was a lovely and productive day we had, stimulating the local economy.

Later, when tempers had cooled, the weeding had been satisfactorily completed, and apologies were offered and accepted, I marveled at the perfection of this day.  Summer-like in weather, not too hot, not too cold.  Filled with enjoyable activities with my spouse--a walk, an outing to the farmer's market, a purchase of an art piece for our office, planting flowers, reading on the deck--who knew one day could hold so many treasures?  And I was grateful for a pact we had made early on in our parenting, that we wanted to be the house where kids could come.  So when my son asked if "people could come hang out tonight," the answer was yes. 

I sit here, looking out on a back yard alive with teenagers playing some version of whiffle ball, while a stack of board games (including Disney Princess monopoly, which I didn't even know existed prior to today) and chips await them when they are ready to come indoors.  I am deeply grateful for 16-year-olds who gather in this manner to have fun, and deeply honored to provide a venue for them.

As the sun sets on this Saturday, I am happy.  I wish you the joy of simple pleasures such as these, and the gratitude with which to appreciate them.

Snakes on a.....beach?

Ok, Chris, this one's for you.....

Yesterday was a quintessential summer day in the Pacific Northwest.  Yes, I know it's not summer yet--but it was upwards of 80 degrees, a rarity even in July in these here parts.  Not only that, the day had started out sunny, which if often an occurrence reserved for a couple of days in early August.

Our family did what many North-westerners do on such a day--headed to the beach.  Of course, since we have a very independent 16-year-old living in our home at the moment, this was accomplished with separate trips.  He headed out with a bunch of buddies to skim board, and we headed down separately to give the puppy his first beach experience.  In fact, we worked hard to not intrude on our son's adventure, casually noticing that he was there from afar, and keeping our distance and our adventures separate.

On the way to the car, my husband casually remarked, "Did you see the guy with the snake?"  I turned around, and indeed, there was a man with a large boa constrictor around his neck standing on the sand.  "Who brings their snake to the beach?"  I asked judgmentally.  It's true; I have judgments about snakes.  They're so....reptilian. Slithery.  Snakey.  Not my kind of pet.  In my frame of reference of the world, taking your snake to the beach isn't cool.  For heaven's sake, it might get loose and eat a cute little puppy named Zeke for a snack!

When we all arrived home and were enjoying barbecued bratwurst on our deck (another favorite summer activity--you have to pack all the summer activities you can into a day like that--you never know when another one might show up....), we asked our son if he saw the snake.  "Yeah!" he said enthusiastically.  "It was a nice snake."  A nice snake?  C'mon, we're not talking fluffy with social skills here.  But he went on: "I petted it, and my friend let it lick her hand with its cool snakey tongue.  It was ready to come over to her.  It was a really nice snake."  Suuuurrre, it was getting ready to go over to her--and give her a "nice" little boa constrictor squeeze of affection!  Nice snake.  Right.

I've been wondering, though, how many things in life are really not as black and white as whether snakes are "nice."  Most experiences we have are colored by our frame of reference, which is made up of past experiences, messages we've learned and absorbed about things, our generation, our gender, our upbringing, our geography, our temperaments....Obviously, my son and I have different frames of references around snakes.  In his, there's room for a snake to be "nice."  In mine, they need to stay off the beach.

Yet (big sigh) God made snakes, too, and it's really quite judgmental of me to assume this wasn't a nice snake.  I mean, really, who would bring a mean snake to the beach?  Now that would be stupid.  So, for logic's sake, it probably was a "nice" snake.  Unlike Snakes on a Plane, the one on the beach yesterday apparently wasn't  out to kill.

This got me to thinking:  what's your "snake"?  Is there a person in your life that you just cannot see as nice?  Someone you don't want to even give a chance?  Maybe they need a chance to be seen another way.  I mean, what if someone met me on my worst day--when I was behaving at my worst? That would be their perception of me.  If they never gave me another chance, they might think that all I was was a....snake.  And not a nice one, either.  So, that's my challenge to myself and to you.  Think of someone who irritates you and see them another way.  Take baby steps, or slithers:  Day #1 Snake.  Day #2  Nice snake. Day  #3 Nice?  Together, we can start singing, "All we are saying, is give snakes a chance...."  John Lennon would be proud. 

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Time Management

Yesterday, I went to a presentation on time management, where the woman who presented wisely told us the goal of good time management is to have more time to do the things we enjoy most.  Aha number 1.  I was thinking that it was so I could feel more organized, which I enjoy, but not quite as much as vacations in sunny, warm places, a good yoga class, or time with friends.

She also said that in order to do this, our goal should be to have only 50% of our time scheduled in any given day, and to spend 2-5% of our day planning for each of next week, next month, the next 6 months, the next 2 years, the next 5 years, the next 10 years.  Aha number 2. Perhaps this was why I was feeling perpetually in a hurry and behind lately.  A couple of us rattled off our stacked schedules for the day.  She reminded us if we did that on a regular basis, there was no room for any errors, for anything to go wrong, or to handle unexpected things that come up.  I silently added that there wasn't a lot of time for God or spirit when my schedule is that full, either.

Today, I woke up sick.  Aha number 3.

I wondered with my spiritual reflection group on the phone in between two two-hour naps, why it was that I had to be ill in order to give myself permission to have a low-key kind of day.  This is not, unfortunately, a new reflection, but rather like an old, worn slipper, or acquaintance I haven't visited in awhile.  Hmmm.  Apparently, I still have the illusion that busy is better in some way.  I am curious by nature, so I am interested in many things.  I struggle with setting limits on how many things I can be involved in because they are all so interesting.  Even though I know that there is a definite tipping point where quality starts to suffer, and I hate that.  Which is often when I get sick.

The good news is that I did take those naps and am feeling much better.  In addition, it is my goal to begin to leave gaping open spaces in my calendar in order to handle the ever-growing task list on my outlook calendar.  I love learning about new ways to take care of myself, and I sense this one is key--though another key will be ongoing permission to keep that space in my calendar.  It might help if it had a wonderful name, like "Spontaneous Productivity Time!" or "Task List Tango Time!" 

Meanwhile, I have a date with a fuzzy blanket, a cup of tea, and a nice, warm puppy......