Diligent Joy Blog

What Would Jesus Carry?

I recently wrote an article in my Sex in the Suburbs column about an interesting statistic I found in a textbook, having to do with the fact that there are laws on the books in at least three of our United States prohibiting the sale of sex toys, while there are 43 states in which semi-automatic assault weapons are no longer banned.

This prompted an unprecedented response from second amendment enthusiasts, with varying degrees of insults to my intelligence and character. One even made a point to mention that this article was one reason he didn't subscribe to papers anymore.  Note:  he took time to write this in response to an article he theoretically read. 

Interestingly, several women have replied to me personally through other channels that they enjoyed the article.  And the editor of the paper seems thrilled with the level of response.  I am just wondering....

Do the people responding about gun rights really think that their opinions are going to change mine?  Last time I checked, the second amendment came right after the first one, which guarantees free speech.  Of course they have the right to their opinions and the ability to express them.  So do I. 

Which got me to thinking, in this season of advent and Christmas, what kind of weapon do you think Jesus would carry?  What kind of weapon would He use to protect His family in case of invasion?  Or Himself, in the case of, say, kidnapping?  Or arrest?  And Uzi, maybe?  OK, it's true, I'm being sarcastic.  I've got my edge up on this one.

Jesus, the Prince of what?  Oh, yes, PEACE,  used those age-old weapons of love and forgiveness against His enemies, thereby saving us all. 

Say what you want about criminals always having access to guns, and have whatever opinion you'd like about handguns and semi-automatic weapons.  Call me slimy and ignorant if you must.  Just know that you are not changing the fact that I choose faith and love over guns.  I choose to embrace the hope of this season that we can actually create and live in a world of peace.  And I choose to use what little influence I have to help people think about those ideas in new ways.  How you respond is up to you.

O Come Let Us Adore Them.....

Today, I had the privilege of driving home an exhausted teenager, who fell asleep in the front seat.  I remembered when he was two, and I'd drive him around in his car seat, trying to get him to take a nap while his big brother was in afternoon kindergarten. 

As I drove, I started humming, "O Come All Ye Faithful."  I got to the chorus in my mind: O come let us adore him....and I felt adoration toward my teen and his brother.  Then their wonderful friends starting parading through my mind, and I adored them.  Then, I thought about all the kids, boys in particular because that's what was on my mind, who have a lack of adoration in their lives.  I thought of all the boys I've worked with over the years who would have been described as anything but adorable, and what a tender place I've always had in my heart for them--the trouble-makers, the less than hygienic, the invisible, the passive-aggressive, the abused, the neglected, the gang members, the heartsick, the lonely and friendless.

Doesn't every child deserve to be adored?  Not in a "you can do no wrong" way or in a way that excuses behaviors that are wrong or harmful.  Adored in a "you are adored because you exist" kind of way.  In a "nothing you could ever do would make me stop loving you" kind of way.  Actually, doesn't every one of us deserve that?

Really, that's the message of this week in advent: love.  God loves each and every one of us that way, even when we forget, or haven't learned yet that Her love is there.  God loves us because we exist, and He always will, no matter what.

This week, find a way to adore your children, no matter how old they are.  Adore your grandchildren, your spouse, your friends, your nieces and nephews.  Do an experiment and go forth knowing you are adored.  If you have done something less than adorable, make amends and move on.  Carry the adoration in your heart and spirit as you prepare for the greatest love of all, who is coming.  For you.

Room for Hope

A small miracle occurred in our home this weekend.  My husband and I, faced with an afternoon alone (one teen was at work; the other at the Apple Cup) both shared our fantasies of what we wanted to accomplish, and both had "clean out the storage closet" on that list. 

The storage closet houses emergency food supplies, luggage, wrapping paper, golf clubs, back packs, and various holiday paraphernalia.  The latter is what seriously needed to be gone through.  I undauntedly carried each cardboard holiday box into the house to sort.  I felt a bit like Scrooge on his journey into holidays past, smiling at old Halloween costumes (I think I put three "Scream" masks and capes in the give-away pile), masses of unmatched plastic Easter eggs, and heart-shaped Valentine baskets and pillows.  I had a moment of wondering how we got here--to the place where I was truly ready to throw some things out, pass others on, and do so joyfully and clearly, without a lot of grief or regret.

Armed with measurements of storage space and numbers of containers needed, I headed to Fred Meyer to purchase plastic bins with tops to deter whatever had chewed the last bag of dog food we had stored in the closet.  At home, I put everything in its place back in the closet, and turned to look at the boxes of Christmas decorations still in the living room, waiting to be undone and put out.

There was a kind of grace and serendipity to doing this the day before Advent began. In years past, I have felt there was hardly enough room in our lives for Christmas, and all the shopping, activity, stress, and chaos it has brought with it.  I felt as though I had suddenly been handed a mandatory part-time job on top of an already full plate of work, family, friends, church, and such.  I tried planning way ahead, which only served to prolong the stress.  We started drawing names for gifts, which helped some.  Slowly, over the years, I realized I was the one who was stressing me out, and only I could cure that.  I began to make a conscious effort to make time and room for things that bring me joy during the season, and to be more OK with mediocrity in some areas, which took a lot of pressure off.  Good enough is sometimes, well, good enough....

This year, with the other holidays nestled snug in their plastic bins, I realized I feel like I have room for Christmas.  I have room to choose good-enough gifts, to make a few cookies, to light a fire and watch cheesy Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel.  I have room to put a small tree on my desk, room to spend time with youth and children at church crafting a pageant, room to look at the beauty of lights in the darkness with my sweetie.

This is the true gift I have given myself--room to prepare.  On this First Sunday of Advent, I asked myself, "What could be more important than giving ourselves time and energy to prepare for the greatest love of all? "  And I felt it--Hope.  The hope that springs from room in my heart.  

My challenge to you this holiday season, whether you celebrate Advent, Christmas, Hanukkah, Solstice, or Kwanzaa--is to give yourself room to prepare, and to hope. 

Light of the World

One miracle of Christmas is that Jesus was born, bringing hope, peace, joy and love to a weary world. A further miracle is that, every year, we celebrate this, and create an opportunity for Christ to be reborn in us, bringing hope, peace, joy and love to a weary world.  

One of my favorite church bulletins of all time had a light on the front of it and the words, "You are the message."  And that is the true miracle of Christmas.  Christ is reborn in us, and we are the message--we bring hope, peace, joy and love into a weary world.

Rejoice!  Joy to the World!  Christ is born!  You are the message!  Merry Christmas!

Loving Boundaries

Sometimes, love is a soft, warm blanket.  Other times, it is a strongly built wall, lovingly enforced. Both are required for healthy relationships.  Even God has boundaries.  God's love is unconditional, and we have the 10 commandments.  

Late last night, I insisted my son turn off video games due to an early departure for snowboarding this morning.  He hassled me.  "Just this one thing.  It will only take 10 minutes."  Having heard this countless times before and knowing that "10 minutes" in his time is equal to an unknown amount in my time, I held firm.  He tried a new tact.  "This is a game where people are trying to create a safer community by getting rid of the bad guys."  "Hmm," I  said.  "And how do they get rid of these people? By giving them a fair trial by a jury of their peers?"  He laughed, realizing I was serious about my boundary even in my lighthearted approach.  He did not go to sleep, but ended up reading in bed instead of playing a questionable video game into the wee hours.

Other parents I know have to make much more difficult choices.  I have good friends who are wonderful parents, who love their children to the core, and who have had to say, "You cannot live here if you continue with that behavior."  And they've had to follow through.  This, to me, is a form of love. Love for the child, love for the family unit, love for the parent him or herself.  Embodying divine-like love, they willingly open their arms and homes whenever their children are ready to try again--sticking firmly to their rules, even though it causes them great heartache to do so.

It takes a strong and special love to love a child enough and love a family enough to do this.  God has this kind of love for us.  God loves us enough to let us make all kinds of mistakes and transgressions and still welcome us back whenever we are ready to try again.  

What will help you love yourself enough to set the boundaries you need?  

"Maybe it just needs a little love.'

Last night, my husband and I went for a walk in the snow.  We marveled at the unprecedented snow fall here and the continuing beauty.  With each new storm, novelties are born--beautiful effects caused by Christmas lights and snow, new snow creature creations, snow angels, people out chatting in the streets...It is as if God has rained down peace and love and joy on our neighborhood.  A mandate to slow down, be more mindful of each action we take, spend time with our family and friends who are close by...

I know there are those for whom this weather isn't such a miracle.  Which brings me to.....

Do you remember the Christmas tree in "A Charlie Brown Christmas"?  A scruffy, sad-looking tree with needles falling off--until Linus puts his blanket around it and remarks, "I never thought it was such a bad little tree. It's not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love."  The crowd of friends proceeds to decorate it, and it is miraculously transformed into a beautiful specimen of holiday joy. 

Who do you know who is not looking so great these days, and maybe just needs a little love?  A child?  A spouse?  A friend?  A stranger?  Yourself?  What kind of blanket, metaphorically or literally, can you wrap around this person to enable the transforming power of love to flow?  There's a catch--love is unconditional.  There can be no attachment to the result.  Your job is to give or receive the love. Whatever happens, remember, you are loved with a love that passes all understanding.  

Love

As I sit by my computer to right this, my puppy is cuddled on my lap for his morning "lap nap."  Talk about love.....

Love is one of my character strengths.  To explore yours, click here to take the Values in Action survey created by Dr. Marty Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania, one of the foremost researchers of happiness.  You will need to register (free) and they track results anonymously for their research.  There are several surveys available--I recommend starting with Values in Action.  It rank orders 24 character traits in order of their strength in you.

The ability to give and receive love is one of my strengths.  One of the things I love about this strength is that, when I embrace it, it allows me to savor my connections with others and savor moments that are filled with love.

This is the fourth Sunday of Advent, and we begin a shortened week focusing on love.  Christmas Eve, we will celebrate the light that was brought into the world with Jesus' birth.  For the next few days, I challenge you to give thought to who you love.  Do they know?  Tell them.  Share the good news.  As the song says, "Love is something if you give it away, you end up having more." (Magic Penny, by Malvina Reynolds. 

Joy Wrapped Up

A week of focusing on joy has made me more joyful! 

Often, what we focus on becomes predominant in our lives.  Even when we cannot control what comes into our lives, we can take time to decide which aspects to focus on. 

My grandfather, a wise man who lived to be 99 1/2, pointedly remarked during a very sad time in our family, that crisis does not create character, crisis reveals character.  What does your character reveal?  You may not have the power to avert a crisis, but you do have the power to change what you focus on, even in un-joyful times.  Is there a hidden gift?  A learning that will serve you later?  You can grieve and learn at the same time.

Meanwhile, remember that, whatever happens between now and Thursday, Christmas is coming!

Joy to the World!  The Lord is come!  Let earth receive her King!  Let every heart prepare Him room--and heaven and nature sing! 

Remember, this is a Divine sing-a-long.  Will you join heaven and nature in song?

Joy to the Moment

This morning, there are several teenage boys sprawled sleeping on various floors and couches in my house.  The entry way looks like a sporting goods store blew up in my home--snow boots, sleds, various snow pants and coats and hats and gloves strewn on the rug and stairs and banister.  I couldn't be happier.

These adolescents spent the day and evening sledding and snowboarding and building snow creations, including a snow spoiler for my sons' car.  I fed them pizza for dinner and they continued their rendezvous with a video game tournament into the wee hours, buoyed by Red Bull and popcorn and various holiday treats. 

I could be upset or annoyed at the mess, but I am not.  I am joyful for their togetherness, for the wholesomeness of their friendships and activities, for the ability to provide a warm, safe, welcoming place for them.  I am, in Positive Psychology terms, savoring the moment. 

There are always things to pull us away from the present moment, so my question for you today is:

How can you savor some moments today?  Stop, look around, and choose some.  EnJOY.

Joy to the Snow

When it snows in the Seattle area, people go a little crazy.  In a good way, mostly.  Things slow down a bit.  People stay home.  Schools close.  Kids play outside.  Even teenagers abandon their X boxes for sledding opportunities--a rare occurrence around here.  We listen to virtually 24 hour news coverage of the latest "Arctic Blast" and hunker down over hot chocolate, which seems to be a necessity in this weather. 

I know there are those of you for whom snow in winter is a regular and bothersome occurrence, but in the Seattle area, it's a bit of a miracle.  Several atmospheric conditions have to occur in a certain order for the usual rain to become the beautiful blanket of white that is happening today.  My son, who turned 16 today, thinks it's just about the greatest birthday present he's ever gotten--no school AND sledding with buddies AND a mom who took him for a driving lesson in the snow.

Early this morning, I was sitting by the tree, eating my oatmeal and drinking my coffee and enjoying the rarity of seeing the tree against a backdrop of snow outside the window.  I realized I had a few minutes to just be quiet, breathe and reflect, and that I hadn't been doing that lately in the mornings.  Then, I fell asleep.   Oh, joy!  An unexpected gift of a nap by the tree.

Yes, there are things to do still. There are calls to make, blogs to write, articles to compose, dishes to wash, presents to wrap, clutter to clean up--and yet.  Snowstorms like this tend to take me right back to being a child.  It's a snow day!  Fun rules!  Put all unnecessary activity aside and be in the moment.

It's as if God is pouring down forgiveness--covering all the mistakes and ugliness and regrets in a blanket of pure love.  Joy to the snow.  Peace in the heart.  Happy advent.